Tuesday, November 20, 2012

A Small Leak Will Sink a Great Ship

Bryn Weiler
H block
“A Small Leak Will Sink a Great Ship”
A man, clad in a grey suit, looked over his shoulder. The fluorescent lights that lined the hallway behind him revealed that no one was following him. Although no one was following him, someone was watching.
Ten stories down, in the parking lot of the building, a figure pointed the nose of a long camera lens at him and pressed the shutter. Almost as if he heard the camera click, the man slid into the nearest room.
The man disappeared from view, and the figure, who was hiding in the bushes, lowered the camera to the ground. The figure crouched and sighed.
The door clicked and locked behind the man, now in a dim office.
“Have you done everything I told you to?” asked another man, who was sitting at a desk across from the door.
“Yes,” said the first man, who pressed himself against the door, as if he was too afraid to be near the man at the desk.
“You’ve been using cash? Payphones? Changing taxis?”
“Yes, and yes,”
    “All the evidence is destroyed?”
    “Yes,”
    “Good. I want you to know that your diligence has not gone unnoticed. Your actions are going to help many people become very, very rich. And you will too, be sure of that,” said the man at the desk.
    “Thank you,” said the first man as he slithered out the door.
The next day, a young woman ran down the street, hair in a messy ponytail, shirt wrinkled. She had been working all night and through the morning. A large camera bag jostled on her shoulder as she sprinted through the door of a building. The sign above the door read “Simon and Hines Consulting Detectives”. As she ran through the lobby, a tall man grabbed her arm.
“I’m going to give you one more day to find concrete evidence for that woman who thinks Diamond Computers stole Pear Computers’ product, Michelle. One more day, and you’re going to tell her there’s nothing to be found,” he said.
“I’m almost there, Mr. Hines. I can feel it. One more day, and I’ll find something,” she promised.
“I can’t keep all my employees working on cases for months like you have! Things need to keep moving!” he said.
When Michelle walked into her cubicle, there was a piece of paper lying on her desk.
“Found a source for you. 35 East Street.     Dan” she read aloud.
She spun around on her heel and jogged right out of her cubicle, scribbling the words “thank you” on a sticky note. Without pausing on her way out of the building, she slapped the note on another cubicle. A blonde man jumped at the noise, but upon reading the note, smiled at Michelle as she pushed through the glass door.
The day’s heat and humidity hit her in a gust as she stepped onto the sidewalk. Her car was even hotter, and she broke into a sweat as she drove to East Street. Whether the sweat was from the heat, or the idea that her reputation at the firm rested on this one last source, she did not know.
Michelle parked her car one block away from East Street. She felt the cold chill of anxiety along her spine as she checked over her shoulder. This part of the city was full of one-family houses, the streets lined with leafy maples.
Clutching Dan’s note with the address on it, Michelle counted houses until she arrived at number 35. With a deep breath, she approached the brick house. Her finger pressed the doorbell. No response. A few minutes later, she decided to ring it again. Before her finger had reached the button, a small girl ran around the side of the house.
The child seemed to be deep in thought, and the sight of Michelle stopped her in her tracks.
“Are you looking for mommy?” she demanded in a surprisingly mature voice.
“Yes, is she home?”
“Come with me!” the toddler grabbed her hand and pulled her around the side of the
house. Michelle tugged her arm away, uncomfortable.
A woman sat on the porch. Precipitation glistened on the side of a glass of lemonade that shone like a jewel in the midday sun. The woman did not stir at the sound of her daughter, who hummed loudly as she walked, but stared unwaveringly into the trees at the edge of the back yard.
Suddenly, her head twisted a sharp ninety-degree angle to look at Michelle and the young girl, making her short brown hair swing wildly.
“Who is this?” she demanded. The girl started to speak but Michelle cut her off.
“Hello, my name is Michelle Strazhanoff. I work for Simon and Hines Consulting Detectives; I’ve been hired by a woman who believes that Diamond Computers has been stealing product ideas and technology from Pear Computers. I have a few questions to ask you, if that’s alright,” she said.
The woman’s eyes grew large and a strange expression clouded her face. It seemed as if she was nervous, but at the same time not surprised by Michelle’s visit.
“I… I do not feel comfortable discussing this with you,”
“This will be a series of questions to which you can reply with a yes or a no. If you wish to remain anonymous, I will respect your decision,” Michelle continued, desperate. She clutched her notepad until her knuckles turned white.
“You people never listen, do you? I know nothing. Please leave,” her tone was harsh and shrill.
Dejected, Michelle started to turn away and walk back to her car. When she was halfway there, still in the shade of the woman’s house, Michelle decided to take a new approach.
She walked back, this time at a slower pace. Her hair was down, out of its utilitarian ponytail. Michelle tried her best to appear relaxed and exude a warm, familiar glow. This woman had to talk.
“Excuse me; I’m sorry I was so curt before. Before I go, could I have a glass of lemonade? This heat is a killer,” she asked with a smile.
“Yes… uh… I don’t see why not,” said the woman, caught off guard by Michelle’s change in attitude.
“I love your haircut! And where did you get that dress? It’s… um… really pretty!”
The woman, attentive now that the conversation was less accusatory, smiled.
“So… what did you want to ask me again?” she asked.
“Diamond and Pear…” Michelle started tentatively.
“Well, I was the secretary for the chief executive officer for about five years. I left six months ago when I realized what they had been doing. You see, there were all these charges to the company credit card for plane tickets to Round Rock, Texas. It just didn’t add up, I couldn’t understand why. When I asked my boss he never answered my question… said it wasn’t my job to be asking these kinds of questions. After a bit of investigating…”
The conversation went on to reveal that Michelle’s customer’s suspicions had truth behind them.
Later that evening, Michelle gave tips to the New York Times. Two days later, the deception that she uncovered made the front page. Diamond Computers eventually confessed and faced charges. The company stayed afloat, but their reputation was ruined. Michelle received a personal thank-you letter from Pear Computers’ CEO.
            She scanned the letter and sent it to her source that confirmed it all and saved Michelle’s career. The woman read it, smiling as she sipped lemonade on her back porch.
            Meanwhile, the man in the grey suit was packing his bags for a flight to Rio, hoping to fade from the memories of the manipulative men he worked for.



2 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed reading your story, Bryn. It was a unique interpretation of the proverb, but you succeeded in transforming it into something much more modern and exciting. I found that your dialogue was very strong and allowed you to keep up the suspense. When I was reading it, I wasn't sure how it related to the proverb but the end demonstrated how the actions of the "man in the grey suit" effected many people's lives. My only question is whether the results came from "one small leak" or a series of them, since you said that Diamond Computers had been stealing ideas for a while. Great work!

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  2. Your story is well written and interesting to read, Bryn. You provide a good sense of the tone in each part of the story. You drew me in right from the beginning with the line, “someone was watching”. This line as well as the first paragraph as a whole sets a mysterious tone that the rest of the story builds upon. In the next part of the story your description of Michelle’s messy ponytail, wrinkled shirt, and her sprinting through the hallway convey a sense of urgency that makes the story relatable and believable. You also provide a good description of the setting of each part of the story that allows me to visualize as I read. Some criticism I have is: at the beginning of the story when you are talking about the two men you use the word man a lot and it becomes confusing as to which one you are talking about. Though I do think that you shouldn’t describe their faces as it adds to the sense of mystery, maybe you could describe their body types or the tone of their voices? Also, I would have liked a more vivid description of Michelle, because when I think of her all I can visualize is her messy ponytail, which makes her less relatable and more fiction. I also think that it is not believable when Michelle comes back and compliments the woman on her hair and dress and then the woman immediately begins to talk after she was so harsh before. It just doesn’t really seem natural that she would relent so easily after previously being so opposed. If Michelle explained to the woman what getting this information meant to her and her job it might make more sense that the woman gives in, as well as add a more personal aspect to the story. Good work, I enjoyed reading it!

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