Bucket List: A Short Narrative

Before I Die

“Dost thou love life, then do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of.”

            “Do you want me to come to your doctor’s appointment today?” Maddy shook her head, not wanting to open her mouth. Her mother nodded and shuffled into the kitchen.

Tracing the outline of a laughing baby girl in a worn-out photo album, Maddy wondered how she could have been so small and naïve at a point in her life. Twenty-one years have passed since then, and Maddy was definitely not the same happy little girl in the photograph--she was the exact opposite, in fact. Maddy’s expression had hardened into a slight frown with her eyebrows always in a squint, as if everything in her sight was hateful and ugly. Unlike the pink frilly clothes of her baby self, Maddy now wore shabby clothes of dark hues and never bothered to look at herself in the mirror. She had grown up to be a completely different being from the person she used to be.

Maddy raised herself from the floor and walked towards the front door. She trudged indifferently towards the hospital that was in walking distance from her house. Within several minutes, Maddy found herself sitting in her doctor’s white office. She stared down into her lap, fidgeting her fingers as the doctor waited and wordlessly watched her. Unable to keep the silence, the doctor cleared his throat and in his best attempt to keep his voice steady, muttered the words that Maddy had desperately wanted to avoid for as long as possible.

“Three months.”

Maddy’s fingers stopped twiddling. Even though Maddy had been well aware of her disintegrating condition, she was not prepared to hear the words that had just come out of the doctor’s mouth. She raised her head and squinted into the doctor’s face.  “I’m sorry, Maddy. Three months...” Maddy’s eyes locked into her doctor’s, and she squinted harder, as if to detect if he was lying. Flustered, the doctor looked away.

As soon as Maddy stepped outside into the crisp spring air, she started running. With every step, her vision became blurry and her mind became clouded. When she reached her house, she threw the front door open and ran upstairs to her room. She let out a cry of agony and indescribable grief that pierced her own ears. She let her body collapse on the floor and allowed the suppressed sorrow and frustration to overwhelm her in tears. Her chest and shoulders heaved as she gasped for another breath. Her sobs gradually subsided and out of the corner of her eyes, she noticed a battered box on the bookshelf.

Maddy opened the box and spilled out its contents. A piece of paper fluttered out of the box. Curiously she unfolded it and read the first two words on the page written in crooked letters: “Bucket List”. Now she remembered-- it was the bucket list she wrote when she first learned she was diagnosed with cancer couple of years ago. Her eyes quickly darted across the paper, reading the three items on the list. This was it. She wiped her tears with her shirtsleeve and with the list in hand, she set out for the first item on the list.

Maddy headed to the nearest animal shelter. Among all the puppies, one captivated her heart with its bright brown eyes and swiftly wagging tail. Hesitant at first to touch the muddy puppy, she carefully picked it up and gave it a long hard look. Its hair was similar to hers, dirty blonde with slight curls. The puppy’s expression of mischievous playfulness reminded her of her younger self. “Let’s go home, Maddy. Promise me you’ll take good care of the family when I’m gone,” whispered Maddy in the puppy’s drooping ears. The puppy Maddy wagged its tail in reassurance, eager to meet its new family.

The next morning, Maddy reached for her bucket list as soon as she opened her eyes. She had crossed out the first thing on the list yesterday and was ready to cross out the next. After changing her clothes and grabbing a bite to eat, she rushed out of the house to her next destination.

Once Maddy arrived, she took a bouquet of flowers from the passenger seat and clenched it in her fist to keep her hands from shaking. Watching her feet leave footprints in the grass, she steadily approached her father’s grave. She found it without difficulty for she visited the grave every year with her mom for as long as she could remember. She kneeled down as she gently placed the flowers on the mound of dirt before her. Even though she had looked through her family’s photo albums countless number of times to pull out a memory of her dad, she was never able to. Her dad left the world when she was two and was just beginning to talk.

“We’ll be able to carry out a real conversation soon, Dad. I’ll be seeing you, so wait for me,” Maddy murmured, picking at the growing weeds on her father’s grave. “I’ll tell Mom to lay me down right next to you.”

Back home, Maddy crossed out number two on her bucket list. There was now one final thing left for her to fulfill. She dialed her closest friend’s number.

“Hello?” said a deep groggy voice.

“Justin? It’s me, Maddy. I was wondering if you would go to the beach with me tomorrow,” said Maddy, her words gushing out all at once.

“Maddy, I’ve never heard you sound so excited. Sure thing. I’ll drive,” replied Justin cheerfully, evident that he was talking with a big smile on his face.

“But we have to leave at midnight tonight,” Maddy spoke with caution, worried about Justin’s response. “I…I want to see the sunrise.”

“Just like the old days, huh,” Justin replied reminiscently, sensing that this time would be one of their last, or their last, road trips together.

“Just like the old days,” Maddy repeated, feeling the corners of her mouth twitching into a slight smile.

Several hours later, there was a screech of tires on the driveway. Maddy threw on a jacket and dashed out of the house as fast as her feet could carry her.

            Both Maddy and Justin remained silent throughout the entire ride, tapping their fingers and feet to the rhythm of the music playing on the radio. They occasionally stole glimpses at each other, communicating their nervous anticipation through their eyes.

        They finally reached the beach just as the sun was beginning to peek from the horizon. Justin slid his hand into Maddy’s and together they ran to the edge of the shore. They sat down and watched without a word, as shades of pink, orange, and yellow diffused into the morning sky. Maddy closed her eyes and felt the touch of the sun’s rays on her face. She felt her brow muscles loosen and her frown melt into a slight smile. She opened her eyes and glanced at Justin. He was doing the same-- his head tilted toward the sun, eyes closed, shoulders relaxed, drinking in the sun’s embrace. Maddy let out a laugh. Justin opened his eyes wide in wonder. Maddy let out another screech of laughter. “Maddy…” Justin said in puzzlement. Maddy threw back the hair covering her face, revealing her twinkling eyes. Justin chuckled at the sight of Maddy’s random fit of laughter, feeling accomplished and relieved.

            Maddy could now cross off the final number on her bucket list. She had reclaimed her love for the sun and found her laughter. She got up and with a stick, etched out words of a poem she wanted to leave on the face of this earth before she left.

“I will leave this world

Having found and given back

Every part of me.”

            Maddy took a step back and watched on as the waves kissed the shore, slowly erasing her last words from the sand.