Fiona Gorry-Hines
H-Block
White Sneakers
“Constant dropping wears
away stones.”
-Poor Richard’s Almanac
Olive Doddes wore yellow rain boots to the first day
of second grade even though it had been dry for weeks. They squeaked on the
freshly waxed floors and dragged over the dry asphalt. The garish boots made
her feet look too big for her gangly body. At recess, she jumped in the wood
chips, staring at them as if expecting something to happen. We asked her what
she was doing. Her wide brown eyes stared at us in confusion.
“I’m jumping in the puddles,” she responded as if it
were perfectly obvious.
“But there aren’t any puddles, Olive,” we said.
“I know,” she sighed. “I just wish that there were,” and she resumed her solitary
game.
“I think she’s crazy,” whispered a pale girl with a turned up nose, just loud enough for everyone
to hear. Olive froze in the woodchips as we walked away laughing. The next day,
Olive wore white sneakers.
Olive
brought her pet rat to show and tell. It pointed its beady eyes at us and
rubbed his pink nose on her neck. “His name is Ferdinand,” she said as his
naked tail swung from her shoulder. She let him scamper down her skinny arm and
cupped him in her hands. “Want to pet him?” she asked, offering the rat to the
girl with the turned up nose.
“Get
that thing away from me!” she screeched.
Olive stepped back.
“He’s my friend,” she insisted. “He won’t hurt you.”
We turned up our noses to the terrified creature and Olive sat down as the girl
presented her polished china doll. Next time we had show and tell, Olive looked
around nervously when the teacher called on her. She tugged at the laces of her
white sneakers and stared at the floor. “I didn’t bring anything,” she mumbled.
Olive had a rocket-ship lunchbox that swung at her
side as she skipped down the hallways.
A boy with red hair told her “That’s for a boy.”
She tightened her grip on the red handle. “No, its
for an astronaut,” she insisted. “It’s for an astronaut and that’s what I want
to be.”
“Girls can’t be astronauts,” he sneered. Olive
frowned and opened her mouth in protest.
“Let her go,” said the girl with the turned up nose.
Olive released a sigh of relief and the lunchbox close to her chest. “I’d
rather she lived on the moon anyway.”
Olive dropped her lunchbox and ran. We laughed. The
next day, Olive dragged her white sneakers down the hall with her lunch in a
paper bag.
In second grade we learned about the medieval era.
When prompted to create a piece of artwork, the boys grabbed for the silver
pencils to draw knights with slanted lines for eyebrows and sticks for legs.
The girls clamored for the pink markers to create elegant dresses for our
fair-haired princesses. In the corner, Olive spread out a large sheet of paper
and the muddy watercolor pallets that had been tossed aside. At the end of
class, Olive revealed an elaborate painting of a green dragon with fierce red
eyes flying over a village in panic. The dragon bared it’s sharp, angular teeth
and breathed fire over a mob of wailing stick-figures.
For a moment, we all studied the piece in silence.
Our teacher appeared concerned and approached Olive. She knelt so that she was
level with Olive’s, proud, paint covered face. “Olive?” she asked softly, “What
made you draw an evil dragon?”
Olive’s expression fell immediately. “He’s not evil,”
Olive defended. “He’s only breathing. No one understands him, you see,
because..,,”
“Okay, sweetie. Just, um, next time, why don’t you
draw a princess or something? I see Molly’s made a very nice drawing. Molly,
why don’t you show Olive your princess?”
The girl with the turned up nose held up a picture of
a smiling girl with a round head, pinks and yellow hair. Olive nodded and
folded up her painting. It was still wet, and the paint dripped down the paper
and stained her white sneakers. On the way out, Olive dropped her painting in
the trash along with her paper bag lunch. The next time we had an art class,
Olive drew a princess.
The first snowfall of that year came just before the
holidays. At recess we sculpted snowmen and buried our faces in white fluff
until our noses turned bright pink. We built two forts: one for girls and one
for boys. The playground was our battlefield, and the snow our ammunition. Away
from our childish battle-cries of mirth, Olive slid alone on the ice. The boy
with the red hair snickered and whispered something to the other boys with
their rosy cheeks and devious expressions. The red-haired boy scooped a fistful
of snow, and within moments Olive was ambushed. Her white sneakers fell out
from under her and she fell on her back. As he boys continued to hurl the snow
balls, Olive just lay there. It wasn’t until they’d realized that she stopped
moving that they their hands dropped to their sides. A few hid behind their
fort, several stepped out and stared.
“Sarah!” the red-haired boy called out to me. I rose
from behind our hiding place. The boy just pointed to Olive, her back still
pressed to the thin sheet of ice that covered the pavement.
I looked down at the other girls. Their fair faces
pouted, their pale eyes wide with a mixture of anxiety and guilt. The girl with
the turned up nose nodded to me. I dragged my feet, weighted down by awkward
snow boots, across the stretch of snow. As I neared Olive, still unmoving, I
inhaled the cold air deeply and as it pierced my lungs I looked down. Olive’s
wide brown eyes were fixed on the pale grey sky. Her coffee colored hands
pressed against the ice and her black hair spread out like a fan. Tears
streamed down her face, forming puddles at her jaw-line that she refused to
wipe away.
“Olive?”
Olive rose stiffly. For a few moments, she looked at
me and I saw my own reflection in her eyes. I saw the rain boots, the rat,
lunchbox, and the dragon. She wiped away the tears with her arm and ran. Her white sneakers were lost in the
snow and she quickly disappeared.
I solemnly returned to my classmates who were
gathered in a tight circle between the forts. We said nothing, but somehow we
knew that we wouldn’t see Olive again, even if we never found out where she
went. We knew that when she ran away in her white sneakers she was being chased
by the rainboots, the rat, the lunchbox and the dragon. Every person our tight
huddle knew that she wasn’t coming back. In the freezing afternoon air, our visible breath
pooled into the rising smoke that Olive Doddes disappeared in.
Fiona-
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved your story. I couldn't stop reading it, it kept me engaged and interested throughout. Each sentence, I looked forward to finding out what was going to happen next. Each time Olive was harassed by the other students my stomach clenched and my heart dropped. Before I read your story, I was thinking about the scenarios one could write about with your epigraph but none were as creative as yours. I loved how rather than taking a physical object and wearing it down to non-existence throughout your story, you used a human's spirit. I did not see that coming. Something that I was unsure about was if the children and the teacher had the intent of destroying Olive's "different" spirit or if they were simply reacting to her "odd" manner? Does anyone know?
Overall, your writing is beautiful, I absolutely loved your story, and your epigraph was very well placed. In my opinion, to give a more realist effect at the end, I, personally, would have said that Olive never came to that school again or moved away rather than disappeared, never to be seen or heard of again. Great job!
I have to admit that I read this over a couple times, so engaging it was. To begin with, the format is really interesting, beginning each section with a situation where Olive was teased. I noticed how despite the fact that many sentences began with "Olive", these sentences were purposely began this way and added a stronger characterization of this young girl and what kind of person she was. Also, I agree with Sam that your usage of Olive's spirit as the subject of wearing down was very creative. In the beginning, I assumed that the "white sneakers" of the title would be the object that was to be worn down, and was surprised when in fact, it was Olive as a person who was "worn down". The way you show this constant tearing down by her classmates is very well-written and creates a strong sense of sympathy for the little girl, especially since this kind of teasing actually does happen.
ReplyDeleteActually, I disagree with Sam about how you ended your essay. I think by leaving the ending vague and mysterious gives the reader a chance to imagine what happens, rather than blatantly stating that she moved away or ran away. It gives an even more mysterious and strange aura to this already strange, little girl and I believe it was a perfect ending to this story. Fantastic work, Fiona! I really love your writing style :)
I found your interpretation of the quote interesting because I had considered using this quote for my narrative. I had interpreted that the stone was an obstacle that could be overcome with perseverance, so your take on the quote through Olive's confidence being beaten down is different but equally effective in putting meaning behind the quote. It's interesting how Olive represents the stone that is being worn away, and the childish naivety of the characters in the story is one in which everyone can relate to. That being said, the narrator of the story (Sarah) is more mature and her character offers a neutral position in which the reader can use to view the story. I think you executed the sequential flow of the story extremely well. There was an obvious pattern, but it was not dull because your description and imagery add ample flavor to the narrative. Everything from the dialogue to the children's reactions to Olive have meaning in that they add to the hurt that accumulates within Olive. My only suggestion would be to elaborate more on Sarah. Her character serves an interesting purpose throughout the story, but what was her relationship with Olive? She didn't join in on the teasing, so I was curious as to why she simply chose to watch Olive crumble. Overall, this was very creative and you did an amazing job!
ReplyDeleteAs the others have already said, the manner in which you develop the story and meaning around this quote is pleasantly unique. Your repetition was clear and effective, but what I particularly liked was the way each repetition increased the tension within your story, until it reached a tipping point.
ReplyDeleteI think the only area for improvement, as Christine also mentioned, is the relationship between Sarah and Olive. Throughout your piece there is an almost pitying tone in Sarah's narration, as if she sympathizes with/respects Olive (otherwise why would Sarah be paying so much attention to the details of Olive's life). This being said, I think your narration would greatly benefit if the reader had insight into Sarah's thoughts and feelings to understand how she connects with Olive.
I disagree with the suggestion above that the reader should know Sarah's thoughts and feelings; I loved how you used "we" to show how bullying often goes side-by side with a group mentality. When we find that the narrator's name is Sarah and she steps outside of the group of Olive's classmates, it makes the climax much more powerful, as the narrator steps out of the "we" and becomes "Sarah". I think that this story is something that everyone can relate to; everyone has at least one memory of elementary school that is similar to this. I also liked the way you described Olive's classmates just by their physical characteristics; it made them seem less like real people and more like anonymous bullies, which again, makes the story more relatable because people can replace them with people from their own lives. I also liked the parallel you drew between Olive and her drawing of the dragon; they are both misunderstood. This is an awesome story, good work!
ReplyDelete